A panic moment

Motherhood has kicked in and our little son is already 3 months old. He's a happy little man, small for us but big for his age. He enjoys going out and about, especially hanging on my stomach in his strap facing the world. What a bliss having your whole life in front of you.

Yesterday we had a bit of a panic moment, however.

We had lunch on a street cafe in Hollywood downtown (in Florida, not THE Hollywood) and walked back to the car which was parked on the side of the main street. Mikkel was in his stroller, mommy had a big purse on her shoulder with all the baby gear. The car was pretty warm, we were parked in the sun. I opened the door, put my purse in the front seat and Mikkel in the back. Feeling a bit concerned about the heat, I started the engine to put the air-condition on before unfolding and packing the stroller.

I walked to the back of the car to open the trunk. It was locked. Very odd, it never locks automatically. Or does it ...? I turned around again and grabbed the front door handle.  Locked. I tried the back door, the doors on the passenger side, the trunk once again. Locked. My heart was pounding and I started feeling the strangling sensation of panic. I tried all doors again and had to admit the unthinkable: I'm locked out of my car ... and the key, the purse, the phone and the baby are inside.

I kept trying to unlock it, by force, by thought, by miracle, whatever, while desperately looking around for something heavy to smash the window with.

A guy driving by saw my despair and rolled down his window. "Do you need help, ma'm?" I told him status quo, and he said "Oh, shit.  I'll pull over." He came out, acompanied by his little girl, and handed me his phone. "Anyone you can call?" He said. I started dialing my husbands number but couldn't recall the digits. But then again, what could he do ...? I asked the guy if he knew how to break into cars. He didn't. (Stupid thing to ask, really. But I was kind of desperate) "Maybe I should call the local police" I said. "Yes go ahead dial 911." He replied. "you could call a locksmith, but he ain't gonna get here fast enough, so you might as well call 911." So I did.

A few minutes later we could hear the sirens. There was a queue up the road, and all the cars had to move out of the way. The policecar car  pulled up next to us and a cop with mirror shades stepped out, asking what the problem was. I pointed at my screaming baby inside the car and told him what had happened. "We need a firetruck to jerk up the door" he said. "They're on their way." Another police car came, and two guys stepped out to overlook the situation. "Is this your car, m'am?" They asked me. "Do you know the lock code?" Our car has a lock code on the door handle, which I've never bothered to learn because I didn't think this could happen. How stupid is that. Be sure I know it by heart now. The police kindly explained to me that it's printed on the back of the car manual and it's a good thing to know it. Yeah.

Finally the firetruck came, full sirens. They blocked off the road, got out the gear and jerked the car door open. I jumped in the backseat and grabbed Mikkel, who was soaked from sweating and screaming. The air condition was on luckily, but only low. He was fine, though. Scared, warm and confused, but fine.

The uniformed rescuers wrapped up their equipment, adjusted my air-condition to full blast, gave us a friendly "good luck, take care" and "hope he's ok" before leaving. The queue of cars on hold were allowed to continue up the road again, slowly passing the scene of action.

Mikkel is sadly not old enough to be aware of the 4 cops, two police cars, 2 firemen and the big firetruck  that were there to save him. Yeah, save him from mommy's clumsy lockout. Kind of glad he's too young to understand that.

Yoga Goodness

I've been going to prenatal yoga the last months of my pregnancy. The classes have been a mixture between yoga practice, meditation, therapy and a friendship circle. Too bad it's only for pregnant people.

The teacher, Lisa Edelstein, is also a midwife. She just happen to love working with and talking about pregnancy and birth, and embraces every woman who walk into the studio as if they were lost souls seeking shelter. In a way we are when coming to the studio - pregnant women are vulnerable, especially first timers,  some have back pains and other hassles, and several lack good social networks because they're new to the area. Like me.

Students walk out of class feeling refreshed and appreciated - even spiritually engaged in a way.  Sometimes we hang around chatting for a while after class, or stay behind talking to Lisa in confidence about some delicate pregnancy issue - which she's always open to listen to and give advice on.

Every class has a topic of the day. Something about life in general. Last time, the topic was "gratefulness." Lisa said she used to practice with her children before bedtime - to sum up at least 3 things from the day that is worth being grateful for. "Sometimes you're just grateful that the day is over" - she said. "And that's ok too - just recognize the feeling of being grateful for it."

It is very true, though. When thinking about a few things you can be grateful for, life becomes a little bit more joyful. Worries become a little bit smaller. Annoyances become a little less relevant. It may even help you get enough peace in mind to fall asleep at night.

I never thought yoga could extend so much into my everyday life. Even though class is only twice a week, it influences the whole week. Missing a class is like missing food - things fall out of balance.

I haven't done any effort to even try getting into the philosophy and lifestyle of yoga, but I do get that it is a lot about balance and strength applied to several aspects of life. It makes sense, even though it might also be the people in class, and "Mother Lisa," that contribute this foundation of well-being.

Being open to what new experiences can offer you is a key I guess. My gosh that sounds so yoga-ish ...

Yoga One Hollywood
Shree Mama Prenatal Yoga

Healthcare choices

Lately I've been interviewing pediatricians. Soon-to-be-parents are expected to do so over here. I've made phone calls to their offices, asked if I can do a "prenatal interview" with specific doctors and booked appointments for that. The doctors I have chosen to talk to are carefully selected from internet research and reputations in my network.

Would I have done this in Norway? Never. Would any doctor in Norway spend time talking to anybody that might choose to see them regularly with their child in the future? ...

At first, I found this a bit overkill - how am I suppose to know what to look for? How much am I expected to know about healthcare to actually be a decent parent over here??

But I think I've managed to find a good doctor to follow up on our child once he's born. Choosing a healthcare provider is like choosing any other service - comparing general impression and gut feeling for the different overall experience; Did I like the doctor? Did he or she listen to my concerns? Could I easily understand what the doctor was saying? Was the waiting room comfortable? Clean? How did the receptionist welcome me? Did I wait for a long time before I was seen? Does it seem to be easy to get hold of the doctor in an emergency? And so on.

My final choice is based on everything else but judgement of their actual medical skills, which I obviously wouldn't be qualified to have an opinion about anyways. Besides, the internet screening sort of covers that part, revealing education, awards, years of practice, medical malpractice records and user reviews. The interview is all about the highly significant people-handling skills and general personal impression, which is what distiguish one recomended doctor from another.

This whole interviewing experience has made me feel quite empowered as a user. I've now made a concious choice based on personal research to ensure that my child will have the best possible healthcare once he's born. It is a step away from being able to blame the system if things don't work out, and two steps towards taking that responsibility myself. It felt scary at first - but it feels good now. It requires time and effort, but then again - it might save stress, time and concerns once we start using the chosen service. I wish I knew this when I was looking for a provider for my pregnancy appointments.

This is not an appraisal of the general American healthcare system. But there are pros and cons. Some of the cons are that you can choose among plenty of good doctors due to the way things work, and the power of the users of the healthcare services is definitely more dominant here than back in our social healthcare country. Bearing in mind that the powerful user would be the resourceful, critical, aware and educated user who's on a good healthcare insurance plan, and who's gained some experience on how things work.

It makes me think about how I've maneuvered our healthcare system back home on different occasions. Have I kept seeing a doctor I don't really like several times because I think it is too difficult to switch? Yes. Have I ever chosen to pay for my appointment at a private practice to see a specialist because they can see me faster? Yes. Have I ever chosen to return to a private practicioner and pay every time simply because the office is nicer, the doctor is friendlier and staff is more welcoming? yes ...

American and Norwegian healthcare systems are very different on many levels and hard to compare, but depending on what health issue you have - whether you are here or there, you are sometimes likely to face stressors that you wish you didn't have to deal with in those cercomstances. In America, finance and insurance might be your biggest concern, in Norway, waiting in line and lack of information may add to your pain and frustration. Either way you find yourself wishing things were different, that those obstacles between you and healthcare where not there.

Having experienced both systems I'd say I still prefer social healthcare to the insurance healthcare. Knowing that you will be seen regardless of your life situation is, to me, invaluable. But there are definitely quality benefits of the power of choice that are worth reflecting upon. What if our social healthcare system was open to free choice and consumer ratings? What if you could choose to go to a specific medical center simply because you've learned that they perform better knee surgery with faster recovery, without having to pay private fees? And you'd be able to ask for a specific doctor to perform the surgery? What if hospital mistakes were publicly broadcasted and medical staff with unstable records were tagged with this on their online profiles? What if part of the health budget were distributed based on performance statistics, consumer feedback and number of visits ...?

Would this rock the foundation of a social healthcare system - or could it improve the quality of the service? Can public opinion serve as a motivator for quality performance regardless of profit and fear of lawsuit? It could at least make the the voice of the user matter more. And perhaps it could force the users into becoming more aware and responsible as social service consumers ...

Good things in life

Sometimes it strikes me how easy it is to feel happy. Other times it seems like the most difficult and hard reaching feeling in the world. But on a regular day, when nothing extraordinary is on the agenda, it's quite possible to identify some details that make you feel good. Here's a list of general things that made me happy today:

1. eating good food
2. reading good news
3. digital stuff working the way I expected
4. hearing an old tune that brought back good memories
5. chatting with good friends
6. a good hug from the one I love
7. being inside in a nice dry home while it's raining outside
8. looking forward to seeing a good film
9. knowing there's ice-cream in the freezer
10. having time for a nap - and managing to sleep

if you turn this list around, you might have the perfect description of a miserable day:

1. eating crappy food (and paying for it)
2. reading bad news
3. digital stuff that never works the way you expect
4. hearing an old tune you hoped you'd never hear again
5. not getting hold of your friends when you need to talk to them
6. rejection from someone you love
7. being outside in the rain far away from home, freezing
8. NOTHING to watch on TV
9. ice-cream tub in the freezer is empty
10. needing a nap, but too much stuff on your mind to be able to relax

... so getting out of bed with the right leg first kind of makes sense. It is interesting how subtle details can influence your day without you even noticing. Count the blessings ...?

Crashing and Waiting

The days are slowly passing by as due date is getting closer and pregnancy discomforts are requiring more and more attention. People are asking "when are you due?" "boy or a girl?" "how are you doing?" and life seems to be all about baby and belly at the moment.

But sometimes something happens which snaps you right out of the drowsy baby-state of mind, like when husband calls home to say he just crashed his motorbike.

"... Are you ok?" He says yes but I can hear that he's pretty shaken. It strikes me how vulnerable we are, just the two of us, one month before our son will be born. Every day Helge rides his bike to work. Every day he enjoys the ride and the feeling of freedom it provides. Then one day somebody hits him from behind while he's waiting for the green light. He's knocked hard off the lane, scratching the car in front of him on the side. He could do nothing to prevent it and all fault is on the driver that hit him. But he's on a bike. Bikes don't have airbags or doors or steel hulls. You're in the free space with your body, which is the bless and the doom of motorbiking.

He was lucky this time. He was pushed off to the side instead of being squeezed between the two cars. He didn't even tip over or fall off. And x-rays from the hospital confirms that the neck and the ribs are ok. Thank God.

Driving in Florida is a risky business. Every week, some of the highways are closed down for a while because of accidents. Heavy traffic and queues seems to be more often caused by accidents than by rush hour. Apparently Florida do not have laws against talking on the phone while driving. There are plenty of warnings around, huge bulletin boards along the highways saying TXT + DRIVE = RIP and similar word games, but it is not prohibited. Wearing a helmet when riding a motorbike is recommended, but not compulsory. So what do people do? They talk on the phone while switching lanes on 95 going 70 miles per hour (112 km/t) , and ride their bikes with wind in their ponytails.

I got my Florida driving license a couple of weeks ago. Since I'm foreign, I need to complete a full test like all first timers in the US, which means completing a theory test and do a proper driving test. Proper driving test means you need to prove that you can drive forward, backwards, turn, stop and park. The theory test is a multiple choice questionnaire on a touch screen that takes about 10 minutes to complete, you don't even sit down for it. I paid 49$ for the whole session and I could walk out with a temporary license, waiting for my ID card to arrive in the post a few days later.

So Florida has a lot of big roads, millions of cars with millions of drivers who acquired their license for the first time the same way I did (if they bother applying for it at all), talking on the phone while driving is a common habit, helmets are considered nerdy (luckily I have a sensibly nerdy husband) and drinking and driving is acceptable. Driving in Florida is a life risking necessity.

Helge was lucky this time. His helmet has scratches, which means if he'd been one of the many cool dudes that cruise around with only sunglasses and a scarf on the head, he probably would't be chatting normally with me in our living room right now. So what can we learn from this experience? Drive more carefully perhaps? We can always try - but the Florida traffic isn't going to change. I guess it remains a simple reminder of doing all the little things right, like wearing helmets, buckle up, NOT using the phone while driving, installing baby car seat correctly ... and hope for the best.

In about 5 weeks time we're bringing our baby home. Life is precious. That car seat will be installed weeks in advance, just in case.

In the wake of a Tragedy

Then it happens, 22 July 2011, in the tiny and peaceful country of Norway, the unthinkable but yet quite possible event of a terror attack. The lives of almost 100 people, most of them very young, are ruthlessly and meaninglessly stolen by a man who calls himself a Knight on a mission for his rightwing extremist beliefs. The country is mourning and the world condemn this violence.

The young people who survived the attacks on the Island have shared their stories of a horror hard to imagine. It proves these youngsters have bravely helped each other despite the terrifying death machine they were facing and saved several of their fellows lives. They also speak up for reacting to this terror with more openness, stronger connection between people and resistance to letting the fear manifest itself in our society. I'm proud and moved by the strength of these youngsters and I will support their appeal by doing my part of incorporating the attitude to my own life and relations.

All people, whatever cultural background or religious beliefs, have certain values in common; we all love and care about our close relations, we all seek belonging to build trust, harmony and safety for ourselves and our nearest. Anders Behring Breivik attacks these basic values in a time where the society consists of people from several different cultural backgrounds. He wants segregation, barriers and distance between people rather than cooperation, closeness and openness.

He will not succeed. Instead of responding with fear, individuals will reject his goals and respond by reaching out to all fellow citizens from all different cultural backgrounds and emphasize our common values. Our enemy will be defeated by building bridges instead of barriers, embrace the similarities instead of differences, move closer together by calling all people in our society "us" and the extremists within all cultures, all societies and even potentially within each one of us - as "them."

The source for growth for "them" is fear and the unknown. Perhaps we all at some point during the last days have felt the tight and uncomfortable grasp of the fear. "Them" have pinched us. Today, we all mourn the tragic and meaningless loss of our fellow citizens. In honor of the lost ones, each individual can fight for our common values and destroy "them" by moving closer together, holding each others hands, being there for each other, allowing openness, seeking understanding and respecting our differences. We are all human. We all belong. We need each other to live in peace.

American Healthcare Interference

If you get sick in America and need medical attention, it becomes a matter of money. Therefore, people invest in health insurance so that when something happens, the least they need to worry about is finances - their insurance companies will take care of that.

Not quite. It seems reality is a bit of a mismatch with this idea.

I came upon an article in the New York Times that illustrates very well the nature of so called health insurance: Insured, but personally bankrupt. The article highlights how most people who become personally bankrupt after illness in USA, are people who actually have insurance. Unless you pay an insane amount of money every month, like $1.000,- (which is equivalent to 5425,- NOK with todays currency rate. Per month.) - you're basically left in the gutter if you should be so unfortunate as to need serious medical attention. If you're in a risk category, like - having a potential heart condition, your insurance will be so expensive that you might be better off without it. Then at least you're not up for surprises. A quick glance at the readers comments to this article shows very clearly how a lot of Americans feel about their health insurance system. Words like fraud, scam, inhumane reappear several times. 

I have gained an experience of my own with the health insurance while living here. Now that I'm pregnant I need to visit the healthcare provider on a regular basis. We are covered well through Helge's employment and financing health issues should't be a problem. So then it should be easy, right?

This is the country of freedom of choice - so choosing the right provider is the first step on the journey of being looked after. But I got to learn quickly that as a patient - you don't choose a provider, they choose you. They will "accept you" only if you have an insurance that they are dealing with. So choices are quickly limited to providers "in-network" with our insurance company, and the easiest way of finding a doctor will be from an address list of in-network providers - from our insurance company. 

Fair enough, limiting my choices might make it easier to find the right place. It would have been really helpful though if the insurance company also had some kind of information about the different doctors in their network to prevent me from going for a bad one. Like, feedback from other users, reputations they knew of - anything. But hey - they're an insurance company not a service provider. They guard the finances, not the people being treated so it is kind of a long shot to ask for. 

So I picked a bad provider. And before I could see any health assistant, I had to fill out a chunk of paperwork for the insurance company - with questions regarding my health history, my husbands health history, my family's health history and my husbands family's health history, questions about recent medications taken and a whole bunch of declarations to sign that stated everything the provider would withdraw responsibility from in case of things going wrong. The paperwork took me about 45 minutes to complete. Then I waited for about an hour more before I was called in. My first visit lasted for nearly 3 hours all together - nearly 2 hours in the waiting room, 5 minutes with the doctor and the rest of the time with a very unfriendly nurse. To be fair I can't really blame the insurance company for that.

I went to this provider a couple of times, but after they lost my urine sample, asked me sensitive medical questions in front of other patients, made me pay extra for having blood drawn (which is kind of standard procedure during pregnancy) and generally treating me like a parcel on a factory belt - I thought I'd better find a different doctor. 

So I did. I picked another one from the list and this time I did some research on the internet as well to check possible online user reviews. I called to book an appointment and the first thing they asked me was "What kind of insurance do you have, m'am." 

This reply seems to be a standard procedure when you call a new provider but it strikes me every time what a financial engine the whole healthcare system is. The providers are not even concerned about your reason for calling before they know how you'll pay for it. 

I told them "Europeiske - or Euro-center." 

"We don't accept international insurance" was the brief reply. 

"But you're on their list of in-network providers" I argued. 

"But we don't accept international insurance" She said again. 

"I got your phone number from my insurance company, and they're not international!" I said.

 She got annoyed and repeated "well that doesn't mean anything - I believe it is international and we do not accept that insurance! Sorry. Have a nice day."

And so started a long string of phone calls between me, our insurance company and the doctors office which ended with our insurance clerk booking an appointment for me. 

The new healthcare provider was - after finally being able to get an appointment with them - far better than the previous one. They could also offer me a choice between seeing a regular doctor, like in the other place - or a midwife with 30 years of experience and very good documentations. I was open to meeting the midwife and check out the natural birth thing and I've continued seeing the midwife regularly. She's great and things have been going well so far. 

Then on my last appointment I was faced with another insurance issue: At the counter, when signing in for my appointment, the assistant told me that my insurance company had refused to pay the charges up till now because they've discovered I'm seeing the midwife and not the doctor. They will not cover midwife assistance, only doctor. So in order to see the midwife that day I had to pay out of pocket right there and then or else we had to swop the care plan and continue the follow up with the nurse and the doctor instead. 

"Is this real?" I thought. My insurance company wants to decide how I'll give birth to my baby and who is entitled to do the regular prenatal check ups on me? They could't care less wether I'm seeing a good or a bad provider, wether I feel well looked after or terrified - but they do want to decide wether I give birth in a safe birth center (with a doctor back-up), or in a hospital, and wether a midwife or a doctor is assisting me.  

"... so how much money are we talking, exactly?" I replied. She said they'd allow me to pay half of the sum to make it easier for me - "that would be $1997,-."

I tried to do the maths to grasp the amount she was asking for but I was too focused on concealing my anger and avoiding breaking out in tears. I decided to refuse being dictated by a totally f... up insurance regime so I pulled out my Norwegian Visa card and drew the 11.000,- NOK from my account. Then she let me through to my prenatal appointment with the midwife. 

The receipt is on it's way to the insurance company and hopefully with a lot of pressure from my husbands employer - they will reimburse it. After all, as expats for DNV we are supposed to be well covered. Still don't know what will happen with the rest of my prenatal care, though. Would be really nice if my own preferences was prioritized. This is the country of freedom of choice, isn't it? 

Thank God I'm not having complications. With all this hassle for a regular check up, I don't even want to think about what insurance joy we might face if I need any care out of the ordinary. Thing is - you really need to be mentally fit for fight to put up with all the negotiations, questions, paperwork, disappointments, reclaim rejections, arguing, phone calls and emails required to get the coverage you're supposed to have. And who are really up for that when they got serious health issues to worry about ...? Be sure the health insurance companies are well aware of that.   

There are several actors in the healthcare industry that contribute to making general healthcare appear inaccessible and problematic. Although the actions and interference by the insurance companies can cause a fair amount of frustration, they are not running the show alone. Medical companies, lawyers, greedy doctors, front ends in the doctors offices and politicians all play their parts. Bottom line is - the health industry is a race about money, leaving the actual patients - who should have been the centre of attention, as nothing but peasants on a large chessboard where profit is at stake. I feel sorry for Americans, and I feel kind of grateful for being Norwegian. In Norway, healthcare might not be perfect, but it is free, covered by the government through taxes. I know that for a lot of Americans this sounds like boundaries of socialism and lack of individual freedom. But at as far as I know - nobody feels like peasants on a chessboard in a game to large to grasp.